Loneliness

Encouragement for Christian Women

A lit'l something for the Sistas When:
Loneliness is knocking at your door

Loneliness is a difficult thing, but we must realize that God could rise up a man from Egypt and cause his path to cross ours at any second. Don’t get tricked into thinking that there is a shortage of good men. There is no less of them than there are good women. Loneliness has everything to do with our willingness to prepare ourselves to be responsible for the care and stewardship of one of God’s most valuable treasures. If you have not displayed discipline and obedience within your own life, would it be feasible for God to entrust you with another?

Having a mate is God’s intention for each of us, so if you don't have one, there might be something else going on. Often we become so heavily concentrated on our lack of a companion that we run the risk of "binding" our loneliness here on earth.

MATTH 16:19 And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

"Binding" takes a very focused and concerted effort. When we focus so much of our energy on the lack or deficit in our lives, we may prevent the possibility of something positive happening. Proverbs 4:23 says to "Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life." Our heart lies in the issue that consumes the greater part of our focus, and if our heart is consumed with loneliness, we may be sabotaging our ability to partner with someone worthy of our affections.

You may feel that you so intensely need a man to fill up the empty places within you that you don't look any further for other answers. We assure you that it isn't within any human’s capability to make you whole. After we receive the Holy Spirit we must absolutely bring ourselves to a place of wholeness using the power that God has given us. No other human being can do that. If we allow loneliness to propel us into desperation, we then draw to us human beings who are just as fragmented as we are. God’s plan is for two Christians to come together so that they can build each other up. So that they can foster each other’s strengths. You see the idea is that they both would have developed the habit pattern of seeking the things of God first long before marriage was an option for either of them; so seeking spiritual maturity and growth would be engrained within their hearts prior to marriage. Because in biblical days this was a principle taught from birth, young girls were able to effectively handle marriage. Case and point, Mary, Jesus’ mother, who allegedly married Joseph at 13 years of age.

When we are knee deep in depression, surrounded by darkness, and without the comfort of someone that we feel understands, our mind is already in a defeated state. We call this desperation mode. Let us give you a prime example: One of our sistas tells the story of how she dealt with the hurt of being rejected by a man she thought she loved (notice we said "thought she loved". Obsession cancels out love).This man had dotted in and out of her life for more than five years until finally she moved to another state and he enlisted in the Army.

After he was discharged, one day out of the blue, he phoned and asked if he could move to the state where she resided. Loneliness was something she had become accustomed to, and she was praying for God to send her a good man. She listened cautiously to her ex-boyfriend's plea all the while fighting the exciting prospect of having the husband she wanted so badly. The conversation ended with her telling him that she needed to pray about it.

"Could he be the one?" was the question that occupied her thoughts. She prayed all day and night, and finally concluded that she’d ask God for a sign as to what action she should take.

#1: In a vast number of situations, spiritual maturity alleviates the necessity of a sign, particularly in a situation that isn’t life threatening. This is why we have the Holy Spirit.

#2: When in doubt ask yourself what does the Word say. If you can’t find an answer, wait until God reveals it to you in His Word.

After not receiving a sign that she could readily transform into a definitive "yes" or a "no", she decided to naively use the "what any good Christian sista would do" rationale. So when he phoned the following day, she proceeded to lay down the law by reiterating that she was a Christian woman and there could be no hint of romance while he stayed in her home. She affirmed that he would have a few weeks to find a job, and he would have to move out shortly thereafter. During their lengthy conversation he made all kinds of promises, ones he may have intended to keep in the face of meager circumstances, but how could a brotha who hasn’t given his life to God possibly be capable of loving a Christian woman the way she deserves to be loved.

Well a few weeks turned into three months. Although she put her chastity in jeopardy many times, she managed to abstain for the duration of his stay, but emotionally she attached herself to this man, giving him everything she could; clothes, money, and gifts. She even found him a job. He felt guilty for not being the kind of man he promised he would be, but that didn’t prevent him from masquerading to sustain her continued generosity and simultaneously chase other women.

When she found out about his escapes, devastation was putting it mildly. She completely lost control and did things she never imagined she would. She wanted a commitment from a man who didn't understand what commitment was. He had no interest in maintaining a monogomous relationship, but that didn't thwart her obession to bring him under her control. She tried everything to win back something she never had in the first place, true affection. She had belittled herself to the point of becoming unattractive to him or any other man.

Full desperation mode kicked in and she began to spiral even further downward. She allowed her appearance to dwindle and spent days wallowing in tears and despair. At her lowest point she lacked the spiritual tenacity to pull it together. "Why did God allow this to happen to me?" she asked over and over.

This was a situation that was caused by her inability to discern and courageously apply the Word. Life happens, we will make mistakes. God’s grace is sufficient and He will comfort and keep us during our time of trouble, but we have to let the pacifier go sometimes. This sista was not a neophyte. She had invested quite a few years in the Lord and should not have allowed such a thing to bring her to her knees.

For months she was on the edge despite all of the encouragement she received. She was on the verge of losing it at anytime, and prayed constantly for God to guard her heart and strengthen her inner being.

One day she sat on the stoops of her apartment building, emotionally and mentally drained. A sistafriend, Joan, who was visiting in the area dropped by and sat next to her. Joan surmised immediately that she was hurting and provided a listening and sympathic ear. After hearing this familiar tale of rejection, Joan was mature and together enough to impart the same principles that we have espoused in this site.

"Fight for your life?" was Joan’s admonishment, and were the lingering words that this sista played over and over in her mind that day. The following morning she awakened and asked herself, "Why would I want someone like that in my life? What does that say about me?" Slowly but surely she became stronger with each day. She dove deep within herself to understand why she felt so desperate to find in another human being something she didn’t have within herself. After investing the time to further solidify her relationship with God, she noticed that she was built up in that place where she had allowed obsession and desperation to occupy.

As Christian women, our prime motivation in life can ever be completely wrapped up in another human being. That does not follow God’s plan for living victoriously. God’s love for us is all encompassing, never failing, and ever comforting. We are completely, completely, complete in Him through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

Colossians 2:10
10 And ye are complete in Him, Which is the head of all principality and power:

Could God have gotten this brotha in line? Well God absolutely has the power to do that, but He will never overstep an individual’s freedom of will. He doesn’t want robots. He wants us to make the decision to love Him and to live accordingly. After such a hurtful ordeal, this sista discovered her weaknesses and learned how extremely important it is to never allow anyone to compromise your stand with God.

Have you thought about the possibility that you may not have grown in the areas you need to? The man that God desires to present to you is just as precious in His eyes as you are. God knows both your strengths and weaknesses. He would like nothing better than to make a presentation to you, but perhaps you have not grown spiritually mature enough to handle one of God’s most valued treasures. What if this gentleman has shown himself worthy, but yet your strengths are not strong enough to compliment his weaknesses, then what is God to do? Perhaps our head is in the wrong place regarding what that man’s level of materiality, physicality, or race should be.

We love the old saying "to whom much is given, much is required" because sometimes life works that way. We expect so much, but we are not willing to show ourselves worthy. There are things about ourselves, both positive and negative, that we will not discover until later in life, but if we have not met a Godly man who will love us the way we deserve to be loved, then we need to put ourselves in check. Sisters, the problem is never, ever God’s inability or unwillingness to bless you. The problem can always be found within us. The abundance in our lives is directly proportionate to the amount of God’s Word we put on in our minds.

When we are following God’s plan truly, we don’t have time to get lonely. We admonish you to read the entire site. It is our hope that it will help you to develop spiritual maturity; the kind that will assist you to extend love in such a way that it fills the emptiness you think is loneliness. Know God’s will for your life and work on finding your purpose within the body of Christ. Cultivate holy spirit power, and seek to be the best woman of God you can be. This must be our primary goal.

Let God take care of presenting us with an awesome man, and let us concentrate on being awesome women of God!