Raising Emotionally Intelligent Children

Raising a child is a privilege and a blessing, one that no parent should take lightly. The most fulfilling joys in life is to utilize Godly parenting skills and see the results manifested in our children. There is so much information out there, but so little of it has really worked. When it comes to raising children that are emotionally intelligent and able to make sound decisions and good judgement, our parenting skills need to be backed by the truth of God’s Word.  Never more is this so absolutely crucial, because not only does it benefit them greatly, but when it comes right down to it, being emotionally intelligent in a heated situation can literally save their lives.

Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV) tells us, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” You really don’t get any better than this very plainly written, but powerful piece of wisdom. God has told us that children will respond to good training, and that we, as their parents, can instill within them something that will take them through their whole lives.

We’re human, we’re not going to be perfect in our parenting skills, but no longer can we afford to think that just because our parents did it, and we came out alright, that it is going to be fine for our children. This is a new day, a different time, and not only are some of the things our parents utilized with us not going to work, but they could very well produce results that are far more damaging.

It’s imperative that we do all that we can to make sure that our children are emotionally connected to us, because this is a big part of ensuring that their own emotional health is stable as well. They tend to do better in school, have fewer behavioral issues, and grow up to be well adjusted when we give them the skills and training they need to grow into emotionally intelligent individuals.

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

Psychology Today defines emotional intelligence as the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others. It is cultivated through three skills:

1. Identifying your own emotions and the emotions of others;
2. The ability to control emotions and use them to think through situations and problem solve;
3. The ability to self-regulate emotions and help others do the same.

In some aspects of our culture, when it comes to boys and men, they have been taught to hide their emotions, to stuff them deep down inside rather than to deal with them honestly and openly. This can lead to pent up frustrations and anger that will ultimately manifest, and sometimes in very dangerous ways.

Raising a child to be emotionally intelligent doesn’t take a degree in child psychiatry, nor does it require reading book after book on the subject. Those good common sense tools of listening, modeling, and sound instruction from God’s Word are the most important aspects of helping our children to grow into productive, emotionally healthy adults.

Creating an environment and letting children know, particularly young boys, that it is okay to express themselves emotionally without your harsh judgment is key. Taking the time to really pay attention to the emotions of your child and to have conversations about what they are feeling is also extremely important. Parents are the leaders that their children will most likely look up to most. They want to be trained and will model your behavior more than anyone else’s.

There’s always a way to break things down in a way that conveys your love and care, but also your intent to correct. Speaking to children on their level and giving them examples that they will understand is a good way to begin communication when they are upset and in tantrum mode. We can acknowledge their feelings and coach them to calm without always giving them what they want. The very best way to do this is to become grounded in a habit pattern of prayer, and to be intentional when it comes to the wellness of our children’s emotional health.

If we’re honest, we’ll admit that there are lots of times when we, as parents, feel like having a temper tantrum of our own. Adding a screaming child to this mix is sometimes more than we think we can handle, but the simple truth is that our children are God’s gifts to us, and He holds us accountable for being our best for them. There’s no way we can do it on our own, and Heavenly Father knows this. He hasn’t left us without help. We can receive divine revelation not only about what is causing our children’s overreactions, but also about what we need to do in order to guide them properly. It is utterly amazing how the spirit intervenes and operates within us, and our children as well, when we invite him into situations in which both the parent and the child isn’t feeling in control. We may not see an immediate change, but we’ll be amazed at the work that God will do in our children through our patience and persistence.

The bottom line is to try to make sure that we’re always acknowledging the feelings of our children, but from the perspective of correcting them without condemnation. Keep in mind that our children want Godly leadership, because God designed us all this way. If we remember to keep open lines of communication and to keep cool in heated moments ourselves, they will learn to model our behaviors and this will help them to grow into emotionally healthy adults.

“Raising Emotionally Intelligent Children” written by Reverend Fran Mack, edited by Kim Times for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2016. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.