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Erica Lewis is the kind of woman that everyone refers to as a ‘free spirit’. She lives every day to the fullest on purpose. She’s always busy doing something, and most of the time it’s something that most of us wish we could be doing. Erica owns a hair salon. This woman can straight up slay some hair, ya’ hear me. She’s a single mother, and a faithful choir member. As a matter of fact, most of her clientele are either members of her church or were referred by them. There isn’t anybody that she doesn’t know, and with such a tight-knit community, quite naturally she knows everybody’s business. But one thing about Erica, she’s a locked box of discretion. She has never been one to gossip, so imagine her surprise when she learned that the subject of everybody’s gossip for months had been about her.
Erica isn’t known for quoting a ton of bible verses, but the ones she knows, she tries her best to live by. It was her cherished grandmother that taught her to always treat people the way you want to be treated. “God is always watching.” Her grandmother would say. Because of this, Erica strongly held the belief that it wasn’t right to talk about people behind their backs. She didn’t want to be the kind of woman that would do that, and was quick to defend the goodness she saw in others. She wanted to be a Sister-friend that could be trusted.
Although cautious and purposeful in some aspects of her life, when it came to love and relationships with men, Erica was impetuous. She made of habit pattern of falling in love very quickly, and had more than her share of heartaches, but that never stopped her from taking the plunge again. Her current relationship is no exception. She fell for a man that is very attractive, well-dressed, and talented; but is just as impetuous as she is. At first glance, there was nothing about him that suggested he could be in a relationship for the long haul. He was just too pretty, and ya’ll know what they say, “a pretty man doesn’t know what it is to pursue a woman; they flock to him like sheep.”
Every woman that loves the Lord deserves to be pursued by a man that recognizes her worth. Well, Felton, Erica’s new beau, didn’t do much of that. She did most of the calling, texting, and reaching out. This was just fine by him. All of his relationships had been that way. He really did like Erica, and enjoyed their time together, but he didn’t have it within himself to reciprocate the love she was capable of giving. Somehow, with absolutely no real evidence to back it up, she believed eventually he would.
In Ephesians 5:15 NLT, God tells us, “So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise.” Look at how simple and straightforward this verse is. A verse like this will help us to make better choices. The instruction is plain, but direct, and packs a heavy dose of good commonsense; like all of God’s wisdom, it’s one for the ages.
God emphasizes “Don’t be foolish!” Being ‘foolish’ implies a degree of intelligence that is inadequate to cope with anything complex or involving mental effort. It is a refusal to be wise. A lot of us don’t look at it this way, but really, it is the only way to see it. God tells us that we have a choice, and we’re to make the choice to not live foolishly, but to live according to wisdom. This means we have to be smart about the decisions we make, and God would not have told us to do it if it could not be done.
Sisters, we can’t complain that we don’t know how to make smart choices when it comes to love and relationships, because God’s Word will always lead us in the right direction. We simply must make the decision to seek God’s righteousness, and to be patient as we follow His lead.
Being wise is taking actions to guard your heart. This is how we save ourselves from needless heartache and aggravation. In order to guard something you’ve got to know a little bit about how it works and what it can do. Jeremiah 17:9(KJV) tells us “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked.” From this you and I can know resolutely that if we are going to guard our hearts, the first thing we have to do is put them in check; because the heart can deceive and undermine our efforts to marry a man that will honor and appreciate us.
Felton was not a bad dude, just one that was in no way ready for marriage. He never saw himself in the role of a husband, and everyone that knew him, also knew that this was true. He expected monogamy from the three women that he was seeing all at the same time, but he would not hold himself to the same standard. And the odd thing about it is that he thought this was okay. It was natural for him to receive from women way more than he put out, because all the women he dated had always behaved in this manner. They had always catered to his needs, while allowing their own to go unnoticed.
God set up relationships to teach us how to grow in His love. Could Felton have learned to love Erica for the remarkably loving and talented woman that she is? It’s possible, but not probable, at least not for a very long time. We can learn so much about God’s love from a man that is willing to have our backs no matter what, and we learn so little from the ones who won’t. So when it comes to relationships, we have to ask ourselves why we would choose to learn from a student, when the teacher is available. The answer usually boils down to our missteps in faith and wisdom, and we need to pray continually and strive fervently to grow in both.■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“Why Choose the Student When the Teacher Is Available?” written by Kim Times, edited by Reverend Fran Mack for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2016. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.
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