Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NLT) tells us, “9 Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. 10 If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.” This is a great verse for anyone questioning whether God is in their corner when it comes to their quest to be married. Every time I read this verse, I’m reminded of a good friend. He said to me, “I’m no good at living alone or being by myself!” He made this statement a few years before he married his wife. He had a few relationships earlier on, but he struggled to find a balance between being a single father, prioritizing the needs of a significant other, and handling the pressure of being a successful professional. When his son went off to college, the need for someone with good maternal instincts slipped off the list, and he just wanted a companion to spend the rest of his life with. He’s an attractive person, and I found it particularly surprising how challenging he thought it was for him to find a compatible mate.
A few years passed before he met someone that he was interested in dating long-term. He complained that many of the women he found attractive didn’t seem to have solid values or substance. They were ok with just casually dating and anything else that might come along with it. He’s a man with Christian values and wanted the woman he’d marry to not only appreciate this, but to be equally as committed to them as he was. You would think this wouldn’t be too challenging to find, and for him, it was.
I believe the Lord allows us to hear and see certain things for a reason, and my friend’s situation opened my eyes wider to a few tweaks I needed to make. Sometimes, God lets us see and hear about situations so we will glean a bit of wisdom and take proactive measures to change or alter something in our own lives. Through James the Apostle, God tells us in James 1:5 (NLT), “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” Most single believers understand that wisdom is the principal thing and is necessary for a successful marriage, but they want to wait until they’re married to learn those foundational lessons. We need to be well-seasoned. This means the seeds that are planted now will blossom and be a part of us before we’re married. Then we will be able to nurture and support our spouses with compassion and understanding through tough times.
My friend had attended plenty of functions where several Christian women were present, but he was waiting for a spark that connected with him. As I thought about his predicament, I began to understand that if our lights are hidden or we’re not in the habit of keeping them well lit, we may not be able to ignite a spark or recognize the need for it in someone else.
We must ask ourselves if we have become so accustomed to our own habit patterns and thoughts about how we’ll function in marriage, that we don’t have room for God’s Will and Purpose. If our desire is to be mostly occupied with having our own needs met, we will be closed off from the one who seeks to fill a void. God tells us in Proverbs 18:22 that a man who finds a wife finds a good thing. Finding a wife is admirable in the Father’s eyes. He instructs the man to do the finding, and He tells the woman how to guard her heart so she will be found. Both are equally important, but distinct, because this is the way God wanted it. We will be frustrated and disappointed in this area if we don’t honor God’s order; for He always knows best.
Some single women that are successful in their careers may argue they don’t need a man to achieve success, and when they’re ready, they’ll begin to look for a spouse. Success in a career does not equate to a successful marriage. Jesus Christ reminds us in John 15:5 that he must be in the driver’s seat of our lives, and especially in our relationships. We don’t want to let the enemy in through pride. Marriage is God’s institution, and His way tells us that a mindset of unity, striving together, and appreciating each other’s uniqueness is required for a successful union. Having two people face challenges together extends a feeling of confidence and security about overcoming any obstacle.
If we ask Him, through the Holy Spirit that indwells us, Heavenly Father will help us develop the qualities that will magnetize us to the presentation He will make. We need His spark through the Lord Jesus Christ, and if we are diligent to His Word we’ll have it. Some of us have never asked God to do this work within us, or to do it within the heart and mind of the man He will present to us. Now is the perfect time to add this very important request to your prayer life.
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“Igniting A Spark In His Heart” written by Kim Times, edited by Reverend Fran Mack for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2018. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.