When I was a little girl, I got burned on my ankle, and it hurt something awful. It happened one hot summer day in August, right before I started first grade. My aunt was in the front room of my great grandmother’s house straightening her hair. I watched in awe as the smoke billowed up from the heat of her freshly pressed tresses. Then, once more, she would methodically place the straightening comb on the hot plate, where it had been sitting on the floor very close to her. Each time that she’d press one section of her kinky jet-black hair, I was thoroughly entertained. The sizzling sound the hot plate made as it burned the grease from the comb was not the deterrent for me that it should have been. It drew me close, and my aunt had warned more than once, “Girl, get yourself away from that hot plate!”
I would not be satisfied and was not persuaded of danger by my aunt’s warning. I must have thought, “That hot thing will not hurt me.” I wouldn’t stop prancing around this awfully hot thing until I stumbled, and its deceivingly pretty iron coils branded my ankle for life. This childhood memory helped to teach me that dangerous things don’t always look the part. It also taught me that sometimes we will not learn a lesson until we are burned. It’s a hard lesson to learn, no doubt, but getting burned helps us to be cautious about what we touch. In significant relationships with men, this lesson for many of us has been on repeat.
The emotional impact of heartache is often a very underestimated state of being. No one really knows the toll it can take until they’re in its grip. In some cases, it can feel worse than any physical pain we might experience, and no one is prepared for its lingering effects. For those of us who know it’s sting so well, we recognize that expending emotional energy on someone that isn’t sticking around for the long haul is not only wasteful, it’s costly in many ways. When we come to our senses, we will pray that God will orchestrate this aspect of our lives, and then we should humble ourselves to move only under His guidance. We recognize we’re not in a position to know what is best for us, and the very best thing we can do to not get burned is to surrender everything to God.
Meeting someone after we’ve surrendered dating and relationships to Heavenly Father presents other questions, and these are mainly centered around discernment. We want to make sure that the man we think is a treasure is actually one. We understand the obvious signs of poor character and mental or emotional dysfunction, but after getting burned, we are also aware of the devil’s trickery. We’ve touched the hot thing…don’t want to touch it again. God’s Word is the authority! Trusting it is the only way we can have confidence that we are moving in the right direction and making sound and right choices.
Guard your heart
Proverbs 4:23(NLT) tells us, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” This is God’s wisdom, and it is unfailing. Even if the new guy is the finest, kindest, best thing since sliced bread, you are still to guard your heart as God commands. What does guarding your heart look like for us? It looks like doing those things that preserve you under God’s covering, so the enemy has no opening to come in and reap havoc in your life. God has already supplied all you need to remain in a blessed place. Galatians 5:1(MSG) tells us, “Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you.” Never let anyone takeover your heart and enslave your emotions to the point you forfeit your power, authority, and well-being in Christ.
Practice wise reciprocity, and don’t go overboard
Recognize that until there’s a ring on your finger, you are in a posture of responding. God’s Word and God’s standard is not to be taken lightly. He tells us in Proverbs 18:22(NLT), “The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD.” No matter how much the woman desires marriage, if the man doesn’t consider her the treasure for his life, he will not move to make her his wife; and if she remains in the relationship, she will continue to be without a husband. As God’s daughters, we should desire a man in our lives that appreciates the treasure of a wife. Some men do not and will not. They are not seeking a marital partner, because they do not see a wife or marriage as treasures.
It would not be wise to attempt to convince a man to make a treasure out of something he doesn’t value. In other words, you shouldn’t put yourself in a position of trying to convince someone of your worth. Imagine how a marriage will end if you begin it this way. As a woman, examine your own love aptitude. You know within yourself that you can recognize when you’ve perceived a quality in a man that responds to your desires. There’s something about him that pleases you, and you mark this as ‘potential’ in your mind and heart. You desire to explore things further, and you desire this because of the potential for longevity, unity, and a respectful partnership that this man presents. If he sees you the same way, he will convey it in a manner that continually gives you something to respond to.
We’re talking good things of which you can willingly and positively respond. He calls, you talk. He shares, you share. He gives you space in his life, you make space for him in yours. You take his queue, and you respond in kind until God reveals decision-making information, and this is information from God that provides confidence, because it will let you know what you’re working with. Until then, you don’t overly invest. Always guard your heart, because your heart doesn’t belong to you. It belongs to God. It is precisely because your heart belongs to God that you should let HIM protect His investment. Don’t overly respond, don’t overly invest emotionally until God releases you to do so.
Have unwavering faith that God will provide
There’s something about us that makes us want to feel extremely secure in the care of another person. We look to the man to fill a gap, and God knows our propensity to do this. You can be 100% confident that God desires your happiness exponentially more than you desire it for yourself. He will not allow you to fall through the cracks if you place your trust in Him, but it isn’t spiritually mature for us to define our happiness by how one person responds. Don’t let the prospect of a relationship or whether the man is or isn’t a presentation from God to determine or alter how you walk in Christ. Keep pursuing God in all you do. His goal is that we are rooted and grounded in Him through Jesus Christ. This is where our happiness should be anchored, so that every relationship and endeavor we have and undertake is Christ-centered.
Is he or not
A presentation from God is like the miracle of the parting of the Red Sea that God performed for His chosen people living in Old Testament times; God performs it, and all we need to do is walk through. There is no striving, trying to get the guy to respect, honor, and respond in a way that signifies his gratitude for finding a treasure. Your effort to cultivate the potential of a future marital relationship shouldn’t be like pulling teeth. The Lord Jesus Christ does all the heavy lifting. He moves in Mr. Right as we do all Christ requires to be Mrs. Right. Keep your focus and attention on God by obeying His Word. Continue to seek God, and He will let you know under no uncertain terms if what you think is a blessing really is one.●
Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“Is He the Blessing You’ve Prayed to Receive”, written by Reverend Fran Mack, edited by Kim Times for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.