My daughter and I watched an interview of a man who had just recently gotten married. This couple dated for a little over a year and moved in together immediately after their wedding. Both husband and wife were in their early thirties, and each came to the marriage with certain expectations. The wife said she didn’t know how to cook, and cleaning was never her strength. The husband’s realization that his wife lacked these “wifey” skills seemed almost insurmountable to get over. Even with three rumbustious boys, his mother had kept an impeccably clean home and prepared meals for them every day. The husband’s frustration was palpable, and he didn’t hold back his disappointment. His wife expected him to be more understanding. He knew she was raised to be an independent woman and not necessarily a wife. Now the question is how they become more accepting of one another while building the foundation of their marriage.
Marital expectations are developed from the beliefs a person has gleaned over time. Sometimes these beliefs are not grounded in God’s Word, so they may not be founded on the truth. The truth is what every believer must strive to live by, because God’s truth is the foundation on which all of us should build our lives.
Heavenly Father makes it clear that the woman is to be a help mate. Genesis 2:18(NKJV) states, “And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” As a woman, you may be tempted to bring your own interpretation into what God has clarified for us in Genesis 2:18, but we must set aside our own interpretations. Proverbs 19:21 affirms that only God’s purpose will prevail, and His expectations are what matters most. There can be no question that God created Adam first, and that God took a rib from the man to make the woman’s body. Together in marriage, they become one, but the man and the woman are not the same. They have separate roles and must operate with different functions in order for the marriage to be pleasing to God.
We may have watched our parents interact and carved out our expectations from the knowledge we gained through them. Many times, it has been said that men marry their mothers and wives marry their fathers. This simply means that we are all prone to repeat the patterns we have learned from those with authority in our lives. Sometimes these patterns do not serve us well, and they must be interrupted and eradicated.
We must consider the example of Christ. He came on the scene during a time when religious law kept many people in bondage. He was dynamic, compassionate, powerful, and loving. He interrupted patterns that kept people from walking in God’s love. The same must be said of us, because we have his Spirit. If there is strife and contention in a marriage, and the spouses are not in agreement, it is a sure sign that the knowledge and expectations of both spouses must be interrupted by God’s love.
God’s Word sets the standard. When we accept the Lord Jesus Christ into our hearts and make him the head of our lives, he must also be the head of our marriages. Our Lord and Savior said in Luke 6:47-49(NLT), “47 I will show you what it’s like when someone comes to me, listens to my teaching, and then follows it. 48 It is like a person building a house who digs deep and lays the foundation on solid rock. When the floodwaters rise and break against that house, it stands firm because it is well built. 49 But anyone who hears and doesn’t obey is like a person who builds a house without a foundation. When the floods sweep down against that house, it will collapse into a heap of ruins.”
The reason that marriage is so important to our spiritual walks is because it is God’s institution, and He blesses men, women, and children through it. We add to the foundation of marriage by dismantling and releasing beliefs and habits that do not serve us well, and we also learn to put on the ways of Christ that help us to be stronger in him. As men and women of God, we are commanded by the Lord to love our spouses. Love is a commitment to be loyal and to love each other beyond our faults. We are to pray for one another and trust God to work within our spouses, and we must continue praying, and above all, be patient as He does.■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“Disappointed in Your Spouse” written by Kim Times, edited by Fran Mack for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!