Every rationally thinking human being needs companionship. This need comes standard with our packaging, and it isn’t going to change. God has blessed us with various forms of relationships to have with one another. They are wonderful, but no other relationship can bring the level of intimacy and union that marriage can, and God structured it that way. There are many responsibilities that come with marriage, and for this reason, we grow and mature in marriage beyond the level we think we can. Some people shy away from it because of this. They don’t want to share themselves to that degree, but that’s not the case with Brandon and Katrina. They have been dating for about a year and found that they share a lot of the same interests. They have meaningful conversations, adore each other’s company, and get along great with their respective families. They’ve spent almost every day together and have decided that they want to marry, but shortly after making that declaration to one another, they’re noticing a rise in issues and disagreements. Both are questioning if they’ve made the right decision.
This human experience on earth is given to us to grow in our identity in Christ. He said in Matthew 16:24-25(NLT), “24 If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. 25 If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.” Many single people underestimate God’s requirement as it is laid out by Christ in this passage. They want life on their own terms and refuse to see the spiritual wealth of marriage. Selfishness and a refusal to share their live is usually behind this.
Selfishness is learned behavior, and it is one of those heavies that must be released to follow Christ in the way he commands. God tells us in Philippians 2:3-4(NLT), “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” Marriage will anchor this lesson deep within our hearts.
When two single people come together, selfishness is bound to rear its ugly head in some form or another. Katrina started noticing attitudes and behaviors in Brandon that were not aligned with the example of Jesus Christ, and she hadn’t noticed these before. It bothered her and when she realized how much it did, she started to feel differently about Brandon. She was sad and disappointed because she had been so sure at first that he was the man she wanted to marry. She didn’t know what to do and became indecisive and unsure of herself.
God tells us in Romans 12:2(NLT), “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” The behaviors, customs, and culture of the world have moved us further away from God’s standard. Our conscience has become influenced by what society says is acceptable instead of what God commands in His Word. It’s gotten so distorted in fact that most people do not hold themselves accountable or responsible for moving away from what He has said in His Word. We can’t build a solid foundation in Christ that way. God commands us to renew our minds, to change the way we think so that we will see His Will unfold in our lives. Then we will witness that God’s Will is pleasing and perfect, and it will always yield the very best outcome.
Katrina sought the counsel of her mother, and her mother reminded her to go to God’s Word and to go to Him in prayer. Both are necessary for a successful marital union. In God’s Word, we’re going to find out what God says on any issue we face. Then we can take it to Him in prayer and ask Him to change our hearts and help us to meet His standard.
One of the responsibilities in marriage is for the couple to hold each other accountable to the standard of what God says in His Word. We are required to do this with compassion and patience. This responsibility means that when one partner identifies selfishness and arrogance in the other, they must also look in the mirror. Selfishness or any other sinful characteristic can only be recognized by someone who knows what it is. And if you know what it is, you must have had some experience with it. So, any couple that desires to maintain and nurture a relationship that will flourish must always take out that trusty mirror and hold it up to themselves.
It’s also important to examine any indecisiveness about the relationship that pops up. Proverbs 3:5-6(NLT) tells us to “5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. 6 Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” In this passage, God tells us what to do and what not to do. The first and most important guidance that we have received from our Heavenly Father is to never get ahead of Him. Don’t take the lead in any circumstance or situation in life. He’s the One with the plan for our lives. Jesus Christ teaches us in John 16:13(NLT) that the indwelling Holy Spirit will guide us into all truth. It’s not your truth or what you might think is righteous and correct, it’s God’s truth! His leadership and guidance are fail-proof, and this must be the bedrock of your believing.
More than any other aspect of life, we cannot lean on our own understanding when it comes to significant relationships. In plain and frank terms, we do not partner with an individual that God didn’t send. And if we’re not sure, James 1:5(NLT) tells us exactly what to do. It says, “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” The best way to avoid relationship heartbreak and drama is to get the greenlight from our Heavenly Father that you’re with the person He has ordained to walk with you through life.
We should not allow selfishness, arrogance, or any other sinful qualities like them, to be a barrier in our relationships. Communication keeps the engine in the relationship running smoothly. Any successful couple understands they must come to the table with the humility and grace to talk to one another respectfully in Christ. The bottom line is that when God has confirmed you’re with the right person for you, you can be confident that God is going to help you work through all the hiccups. You must also recognize that you are a mirror for the person God has placed in your life, and he is the same for you. When you have this level of confidence, small disagreements and character flaws will not cause you to question what God has done. You will be confident that you have partnered with the person the Father has sent. This man will help you grow and you will do the same for him.■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“The Mirror in Your Partner”, written by KLizzie, edited by Reverend Fran Mack, for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.