Ephesians 4:29, 31 (NIV):
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen… Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.”
I once heard a man talk about a group of parents who made it a priority to only speak blessings and affirmations over their children—especially while they were still young and impressionable. Then, on the flip side, he talked about those who speak a language that feels normal to them, based on what they’ve heard growing up—words that tear down rather than build up.
The difference between those two types of upbringings is astounding. You can see it years later, in how the children view themselves, how they treat others, and even in the direction their lives take.
Proverbs 18:21 (NKJV) says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” God’s Word makes it clear—what we speak carries weight. We can speak sinful words or words that ultimately lead people to accept God’s love through Jesus Christ. We can plant seeds through the words we speak, bringing salvation to those that God has ordained to cross our paths. The words we speak can help people to walk in their destinies. They build up or they can break down. Many of us don’t realize just how much our language reflects our upbringing, our environment, or even our unhealed wounds.
When I was growing up, my grandmother had a strong sense of do-rightness, and she didn’t like to hear people gossip or use bad language. If any of her grandchildren got out of line and started talking that sass, as she called it, she’d threaten to wash our mouths out with soap. None of us believed she’d actually do it—until I called my sister “stupid” one too many times. She marched me into that kitchen, grabbed that bar of soap, and taught me a lesson I’ve never forgotten. From that day on, I thought long and hard before I let the wrong thing come out of my mouth.
Ephesians 4:29 is just one example of how God wakes us up to the damage that can come from what we say. That’s why I start my day asking the Holy Spirit to help me control my tongue. Because I’ve been there—I’ve said things I didn’t mean, or I spoke too quickly when I was angry. And once those words leave your mouth, you can’t reel them back in.
Some people say, “I don’t care what folks say about me.” But if you live long enough, you’ll realize that’s not always true. Words hurt. Proverbs 22:1 (NLT) tells us, “Choose a good reputation over great riches; being held in high esteem is better than silver or gold.” A good reputation is valuable. As believers, we should care about how we’re known. Not for ego’s sake, but because a good name reflects a heart shaped by Christ. It starts with how we treat people and the words we leave with them. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being intentional in what we say and how we say it.
In Psalm 39:1 (NLT), the psalmist said, “I said to myself, ‘I will watch what I do and not sin in what I say. I will hold my tongue when the ungodly are around me.’” This is what we have to do. Sometimes you’ve got to hold your tongue, even when it would feel good to let it loose. Tearing someone down might feel justified in the moment—but it always comes back to haunt you. And God holds His children to a higher standard. He expects us to be different, to rise above rage, bitterness, and malice.
It’s easy to hurt someone in the heat of the moment. But it takes strength, wisdom, and the Holy Spirit to bite your tongue and walk away. Everything doesn’t need a response. Every thought doesn’t need to be spoken aloud.
I know women who pride themselves on having a sarcastic, sharp tongue—especially when it comes to their husbands. But sometimes, even when we know we’re right, and he’s completely wrong, we can keep quiet—not out of weakness, but out of wisdom. Because peace in the home is worth more than winning an argument. And at the end of the day, that kind of restraint speaks louder than any words ever could. ■
Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“Sinful Words or Words that Save”, written by Kim Times, edited by Reverend Fran Mack and KLizzie for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2025. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.