My friend, Erica, has been spending a lot of time with a guy that, for anonymity’s sake, we’ll call Jason. They’ve been getting together casually after work, and if it were up to Jason, he’d spend every day with her. Erica, on the other hand, thinks he’s a very nice guy, but finds Jason almost repulsive because of his appearance. It’s true that he’s not the neatest man. In fact, he looks a bit scruffy because of his unmanicured beard, and in Erica’s estimation, he could stand to lose a few extra pounds. Even though he checks off the majors on most any single woman’s list; he’s kind, financially stable, good job…Erica can’t get beyond his appearance. As her friend, I’m concerned that she’ll never see the possibilities that are right at her fingertips.
We have to face it, for many single women, appearance is the elephant in the room. We all have our vision of what Mr. Right should look like. Most of us are willing to bend a little bit, but not that much. We place a great deal of stock on presentation, but the wisdom of old tells us that looks aren’t everything.
I remember being in high school and girls would fall head over hills in love with the most handsome guy in class. As we get older, we chalk up our affinity for certain physical attributes to ‘liking what we like’, when actually our likes and dislikes are molded by the influence of our peers and by our young crushes. The thing is, the most handsome fellas are sometimes coddled. They focus a lot of their energy on themselves. As God’s daughter, quite naturally the Father wants you to have a spouse that deeply values your worth. He wants you to partner with a man that will make supporting YOU the focus of his care.
Heavenly Father doesn’t want any of us lowering our standards, but it is absolutely paramount we recognize that God is the one who sets standards, not us. So, it’s never about lowering our standards as much as it is recognizing that God always knows what is best for us. This will forever be the bottom line.
Colossians 3:12(NLT) tells us, “Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” Heavenly Father expects all His daughters to clothe themselves in these heavenly garments. The only way to fulfill God’s requirement is to have a loving heart that seeks to please Him above all else. In Romans 13:12, He tells us to remove our dark deeds like dirty clothes, and put on the shining armor of light and love. We can’t do this if we’re so focused on a person’s flesh that we can’t see the beauty of their heart.
The very first sin that we have knowledge of isn’t Adam’s and Eve’s transgression of disobedience in the Garden of Eden, it is the sin of the devil’s arrogance. The devil’s declaration of arrogance and defiance is recorded in Isaiah 14:13 (NIV). It reads, “You said in your heart, “I will ascend to the heavens; I will raise my throne above the stars of God; I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly, on the utmost heights of Mount Zaphon.” This is the record of the enemy’s attempt to overthrow the Kingdom of God, and the thing that motivated him is pride. God hates a prideful heart, and Proverbs 8:13 tells us to reverence God by separating ourselves from pride, and hating it as much as He does. So we have to be very careful that pride has no place in our motivations to partner, because Proverbs 16:18 tells us that a prideful heart will lead to destruction. It will hinder our faith.
In high school, the girls would say, “If the shoes ain’t right, the hair ain’t tight, and the teeth ain’t white, he’s a total dub.” Immaturity prompted many of us to obsess about looks and style. As mature women of God, our Heavenly Father holds us to a higher standard, and often times this takes us out of our comfort zones. When it comes to the arena of love and marriage, we must pay close attention to our motivations, because if they’re not centered on Christ, we’ll keep ourselves separated from the blessing we desire most. We would do well to always remember that the Father is helping us to continue building the capacity to love like Christ, and this will ultimately create the space for God to bless us with the partner that is best for our lives. ■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“Shoes ain’t Right, Hair ain’t Tight, Teeth ain’t White” written by Kim Times, edited by Reverend Fran Mack for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2018. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.