Whether we’re conscious of it or not, we measure a lot by our successful and significant relationships. This isn’t a bad thing, because anything worth having is worth the effort we expend to obtain and maintain it. Relationships tell the story about our strengths and weaknesses. They allow us a window into our faith and our fears, and relationships stretch us beyond the scope of surface feelings. They pull out of us a level of commitment that calls us into the deep places of loyalty and trust. Relationships teach us about the love of God, and He blesses us through them. His goal is that our relationships will endure, and this is why it’s important for us to grow increasingly in patience, tenderness, and humility. These three keep us anchored in God’s goodness and growing in His love.
Patience
Patience is a fruit of the Spirit. Many of us make the mistake of thinking that it’s okay if we only grow a little bit in patience, and that we can receive the rewards without it. God has given us this earth experience to know Him more fully, and the goal of knowing Him is imitating His nature. We are transformed by God’s love as we learn more about Him. We have a lifetime to live His love every day and receive His rewards, but many of us are not as patient with learning the spiritual lessons of God’s love as we should be.
The indwelling Holy Spirit longs to demonstrate his character through us and patience is one of the areas where we stifle him most. We live in an ‘want it on the double’ culture, and believers in the Lord Jesus Christ have to be very careful, because we harm our relationship with God and separate ourselves from His blessings when we fail to be patient and peaceful. Philippians 4:7(NLT) tells us, “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Patience is the quality of remaining at peace and being calm through delays or trouble. The peace that this verse is referring to will keep us grounded in faith no matter what is going on in our circumstances and environment.
Patience conveys our confidence in the reality that God is in control and our lives are totally in His protective care. Ephesians 4:2(NLT) instructs us to “Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.” We should not be impatient with others, especially toward those that are very important to us, because the Holy Spirit has given us all we need to demonstrate the patience of Christ in every situation.
Tenderness
As single people, when we meet new people or begin new relationships, sometimes we are impetuous. We make decisions without wisdom and good judgement by diving in prematurely. We want to be done with the business of taking the time to know if the person is right for us. This is our attempt to secure the blessing our own way, and it can cause major issues. If we would yield to God’s way, which is always and forever the best way, everyone’s best interest would be preserved. Heavenly Father is in charge of blessing us, and we shouldn’t try to control things, because doing so is costly.
Tenderness is being compassionate, gentle, and thoughtful towards others. God directs us in Ephesians 4:32(NLT), “Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” In a respectful relationship, it is important to be tender to ourselves and tender towards the other person, honoring and respecting their feelings as much if not more than our own. It’s not fair to a person to rush things, to pry, or to try to get someone to feel deep emotions for us when they don’t. As God’s sons and daughters, we are to guard our hearts and to hold ourselves to the standard of not causing hurt or harm to anyone else’s heart.
The world is becoming increasingly cynical and demonstrating God’s grace and kindness is very low on many people’s priorities. This shouldn’t be the case with God’s children. God is very tender and sweet to us, and we are to imitate His nature towards others. Romans 2:4(NLT) tells us, “Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?” We don’t know if the person we’re interested in is the one that God has ordained to walk with us through life, but if they are, we should want them to look back on the beginning of their relationship with us very fondly. If they aren’t, and whether their time with us is short or long, we should want to leave the kind of impression of sweetness and tenderness that places an imprint of God’s love on their hearts.
Humility
Romans 12:1(NLT) tells us the requirement of our God. It says, “And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.” Heavenly Father requires our fully yielded selves. We are to surrender all to Him, because this is the very least we can do because of all that He has done for us. There should be no doubt in our minds that our humility towards Heavenly Father is required, and this means that our commitment to Him comes before any other person or thing in our lives.
Humility is an absolute requirement for marriage as well, because both spouses must submit to one another and place each other’s welfare above their own. This starts in our relationship with God through Jesus Christ. Our first order of business is to live by the example of Jesus Christ, and other successful relationships are born out of our commitment to him.
For some of us, our approach towards relationships and meeting new people isn’t tender and sweet, but a little hard around the edges, with a lack of patience and humility baked in. We may not have noticed it, but we need to wake up and pay careful attention, because being hard around the edges isn’t going to be a foundation strong enough for the blessing of unity, longevity, and purpose. Things will crumble at a pace we don’t like, and it leaves us with further insecurity and hurt feelings. Our goal should be to begin our relationships with spiritual strength, putting God first in all things. This is going to require us to humble ourselves under God’s leadership and guidance every step of the way. Our commitment to Him in this manner will prepare us with the patience, tenderness, and humility required to please our Heavenly Father, and to develop a marital relationship that will last. ■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“Patience, Tenderness, and Humility” written by Reverend Fran Mack, edited by Kim Times, for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!