Ephesians 4:32 (ESV)
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Shelby clicked on the email her ex-husband sent the day after he moved out of their home. It had been several years ago. She didn’t know why, but she kept his email and would re-read it often. In it, he told her he wanted a divorce and was moving out of the home they shared for almost eight years. It still puzzles her that six years ago, on New Year’s Day, her husband chose to pack his bags and leave.
Many women are hurting at this very moment, and the reason they’re in so much pain is because their hearts have been broken by someone they love. A few years ago, my pastor taught about deliverance from a broken heart. It resonated deeply, and I learned that when our hearts are broken, the ultimate take-away is always going to be the lesson our hurt teaches us about ourselves and, most importantly, about our relationship with God.
There were times when hurt came bolting my way, and I didn’t understand why God allowed me to experience such despair. Not that I had mastered the art of relationships, but I thought I was spiritually mature enough to avoid getting my heart broken. As it turns out, my injured heart caused all kinds of other things to come to the surface, feelings and emotions that I didn’t think I had experienced before. I thought it was the man that caused this emotional tornado in my life, but the truth is that those feelings were there all along. The fears, the insecurities, the doubts…they had been silent troublemakers for a long time, and the only way to deal with them was to confront and conquer them through the love of the Lord Jesus Christ.
I’ve heard women say many times that all men are cheaters, and it’s a part of who they are. The trouble with this kind of blanket statement is that it’s not coming from a place of love, but of hurt and unresolved pain. Proverbs 12:5 (ESV) tells us, “The thoughts of the righteous are just; the counsels of the wicked are deceitful.” God is love, and He looks at us and sees the image of His Son, Jesus Christ. As God’s sons and daughters, we must grow up in Christ so that we see what God sees, and we speak what God speaks. We can’t rise higher than our beliefs, so if we think that all men cheat, we are drawing ourselves to situations that match our negative beliefs.
Negative beliefs about men are often started from prior experiences and what we’ve learned from listening to others and witnessing their broken relationships as well. We develop a blind spot to God’s goodness because parts of our thinking and attitudes are still in darkness. Colossians 3:10(NLT) tells us, “Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him.” This isn’t a suggestion, it’s a commandment. We are to put off that old way and put on the mind and heart of Christ.
One of the reasons we hold on to hurtful feelings is because we haven’t learned to quickly get over them through God’s Word. We’ve seen others cling to men and go through devastating lows and this becomes a pattern for us. Philippians 4:13 tells us that we can do all things through Jesus Christ. Through him, anyone can be healed. This truth must stick to us like glue. Forgiveness is the key to release from heartbreak. Forgiving the person that has hurt us is often challenging, but God requires us to do this, because that is what He does with us continually. He forgave our sins and rescued us through Jesus Christ. He requires us to forgive others as well.
We should never harbor bitterness, because it destroys us from the inside out. We must release the person, release the feelings we had for them, and send them on their way with God’s blessings. We must focus on building our relationship with God in faith, and not allow negativity to cause us to self-sabotage.
The reality is that the negativity we express about others mirrors the negativity we haven’t yet released in our own hearts. Hurt and pain will often bring this out so that we can address it and fill the space where negativity resides with God’s love. Heavenly Father doesn’t cause our pain. He allows us to make our own choices, but life is designed to teach us the lessons we otherwise refuse to learn. It will continue to cycle back those lessons so that we learn to love God’s way. 1John 4:11(NLT) says, “Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.” Loving others through the love of God includes romantic love, but romantic love does not always include God’s love. Learning to discern and put God’s love in first place safeguards our hearts and makes certain that we are continually growing in the love of Christ. ■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
“Forgiveness Is Not Always Easy, But It’s Required”, written by Kim Times, edited by Reverend Fran Mack for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.