A woman of God that I absolutely adore recently celebrated her 40th wedding anniversary. That’s a milestone for any couple, especially for those that are still working towards their first year of marriage. When someone asked my friend what she thought she had done differently than most women to snag her husband, she said that unlike many women today, she didn’t chase him. She had refused to do so. “I let him pursue me.” She said.
The response of most in our day would be, “You’ve got to be kidding me! That’s such an antiquated point of view.” Today, many women have a mind to go after what they want – including a man of their choice. And sometimes his availability is of no consequence to them. To be completely honest, men are perfectly aware of their position in our current environment. Many of them assume that they don’t have to diligently and sincerely pursue a woman of faith in the ways that men have in the past. A lot of us are okay with this.
Whether we want to admit it or not, slowly but surely, we’ve created an environment where men have forgotten how to show a woman how much they appreciate her, and some of them have never learned.
Proverbs 18:22(NLT) states, “The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD.” This verse is such a powerful source of wisdom that we could exhaust hours researching and discovering its gems. It clarifies for us that life is all about relationships, and finding a wife is a privilege and blessing that God rewards with His favor.
As women desiring and deserving to be wives, it would not be to our benefit to pursue a relationship with a man that hasn’t learned or has no interest in the wisdom of Proverbs 18:22. If He does not see a wife as the blessing of God it was created by Him to be, then this man in all likelihood will not see this woman as worth pursuing. Human beings only pursue what they find valuable. So, as a woman, it would be truly sad and unfortunate to compromise our own self-worth by pursuing someone that has not seen fit to reciprocate the effort.
This is in no way an ego trip. It’s never about a woman feeling as though she’s a diva that can do no wrong, that she’s got it going on to such a degree that man had better recognize. That’s not it at all. This kind of attitude will never be rewarded. God blesses a woman that is humble enough to submit to His standards. She has faith in God and her actions speak to this. She will not assertively pursue a man because God has already made it clear that HE is the One who sends the husband, and HE will make sure the husband finds her.
This is God’s order, and each of us has to ask ourselves whether or not we believe what He says in His Word. If we do, we’ll stand on what He says. If we don’t, we’ll do exactly as so many in the world do, which is to take matters into our own hands and lean totally on our own understanding. In Proverbs 3:5, God commands us not to take this approach to life. We are to trust in Him with all our hearts and then put Psalm 37:5(NLT) in perpetual motion. It says, “4 Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart’s desires. 5 Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you.”
Pursuing a man without God’s greenlight doesn’t line up with God’s standard. Many times, we use our assertiveness as a license to abdicate faith and patience. We refuse to wait on God and seek Him because we’re afraid that He won’t bless us supernaturally. Subconsciously or not, we’re trying to force a fit, and love never forces. So, when we take matters into our own hands, we leave the path of love and purpose, and this usually does not end well.
The wisdom of Proverbs 23:4(NLT) states, “Don’t wear yourself out trying to get rich. Be wise enough to know when to quit.” Apply this to your desire to partner with the person that God has ordained to walk with you through life. God is the One with the plan. You can’t do anything to force His hand or to force His blessings, and it’s fruitless to try. Don’t wear yourself out this way. The disappointment and heartache are not worth it. Instead, be wise enough to know when to let go and let God. When you do this in faith, the right man will honor and appreciate you, and he will see pursuing you as one of the greatest blessings of his life.■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“To Pursue or Not to Pursue”, written by Kim Times, edited by Reverend Fran Mack for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.