It doesn’t matter what it is that we are praying to Heavenly Father to receive, it is our responsibility to build the landing strip for that blessing to land. We must spiritually prepare to receive it so that we not only have the spiritual strength to reach out and grab it, but we must have the spiritual maturity and wisdom to maintain it. In other words, whenever we sense the need for more blessings, the need to grow more in Christ comes with it. This is particularly true for the desire to marry.
There are single women that have been praying a long time to cross paths with their future husbands, but they are not praying to be conditioned and flexible to God’s standard, so they can be the wife He desires them to be. Some of them have been bossy, controlling, and mean most of their lives. Their bitterness is notorious, and it cancels out any love they attempt to give. They’ve heard all the comments. Friends, loved ones, and coworkers, either jokingly or serious, have all talked about the attitude of these women with anger and bitterness in their hearts, but they’ve neglected and ignored the need to change. This simply will not yield the results they are praying to receive. Instead, it causes them to leave a trail of disappointment and broken relationships.
In significant relationships, a couple becomes very comfortable with one another. They see each other’s vulnerabilities and strengths, and they also see things about one another that they don’t like. James 1:19(NLT) tells us, “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” This is God’s standard for how we should behave towards one another, but when things get heated, we use our mouths to go for the jugular. We sometimes resort to name calling, and bad language. We put each other down and say words that we wish we could take back, words that can cause irreparable damage to the relationship.
We must understand that God is the One who sets the standard for how people should treat one another. He tells us in Ephesians 4:32(ESV) “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” 1Peter 3:9(ESV) commands, “Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.” And Colossians 3:12-14(NLT) says, “12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.”
These are God’s directives. They are not suggestions. They represent the conduct of someone who is saved by His grace and seeks to love and honor Him with all that they are. When we step outside the boundaries of love’s way and look away from God’s directives, we punish ourselves and subtract from our level of blessedness. To assume that we can violate God’s standard for how we should conduct ourselves in His love but then expect the rewards of a loving and respectful relationship is irrational and unreasonable. The manifestation of a blessing requires that we meet the conditions that cause it to materialize. God’s Word is law! It does not yield to our whims, arrogance, or rebellion against it. If we choose to ignore it, we will live beneath our privilege, and our relationships will not be what they could and should be.
God tells us in 1Corinthians 13:4(ESV) that “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant.” Bitterness is the manifestation of rebellion or neglect of 1Corinthians 13:4. Nothing unkind, selfish, arrogant, vengeful, or envious can be birthed when God’s love is our unyielding commitment and way of living. God’s love must be worn like a second skin, and we should be this kind of person before we get into relationships, so that we are honoring God and putting Him first from the very beginning.
2Peter 3:18(ESV) says, “But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity.” What does it say about a person who, after thirty years, is still stuck in the habit patterns of bitterness and resentment and refuses to live in God’s grace? It says that they are not growing in Christ the way He commands. God wants us to spiritually grow in Christ so that we live in a continual cycle of giving and receiving genuine love.
When we are habitually and frequently stepping outside the boundaries of God’s love in our significant relationships, we are making the wrong choices. We are choosing to ignore God’s standard and acquiescing into levels of darkness that are injurious and not sustainable in the relationship. We’ve assumed a certain comfort level that isn’t ours to assume, and because of this, we’ve taken license to say and do things that take us out of the example of Christ. We don’t have the right to treat people anyway we choose. God says we can only treat them with the love of Christ, and that must be our code for life. There’s a cost for going outside the boundaries of love, and we should avoid it. Understand that a comfort level in any relationship doesn’t afford you the option of going low. You must choose to keep bitterness out of your relationship and do all that you can to remain rooted and grounded in the love of Christ. ■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
“Keep Bitterness out of Your Relationship”, written by Fran Mack. Edits by Kim Times and K. Stephens for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.